Monday, June 18, 2012

Look at page 120 in your current wip then...

Post it here and get feedback on your work.



Today I'm posting the last paragraph on page 120 of my current wip. This site is open to all ages, please keep that in mind when posting your passage. Thanks, Marian


Mated for Life, A Jake Carrington Mystery, book three.


     He opened his mouth to apologize. Taking a step toward the bed, he stopped short, changed his mind. What was her problem anyway? She was close enough to the phone to have heard the conversation. He didn’t need two hundred questions first thing in the morning. This was why he previously avoided relationships. They were mind fields waiting to explode.

30 comments:

  1. I'm revising and cutting a lot so page 120 may end up anywhere. But this paragraph is from the current page 120:

    Hector showed up with a box of clean rolled white padding leg wraps. He said, “Between you and me and these horses here?" He tilted his head back toward the rows of stalls. “Norwood is a curandero.”

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    1. Excellent, Rhonda. I can't wait to read the finished book.

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  2. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

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    1. Ahh! Thanks,Monica. LOL, I forgot to mention this is a pg site. No problem. Next time I'll post it. Good luck with your book.

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    2. No problem. I enjoyed reading it. Well, done.

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  3. What a fun blog idea! Here's my paragraph;

    Her skin still burned. He raised a water bottle to her lips, but she barely managed one swallow before coughing wracked her and she again fell unconscious. Vivid memories of Josef's sickness opened up a hollowness inside Levi. He focused on changing her leaf compresses. He hadn't gathered more cattail fronds for ointment for her blisters, but the jelly didn't seem to be helping anyway, so he let it be. A fire was his first priority, or he'd be eating raw muskrat tonight.

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    1. Wow, powerful, Tam. Thanks, for sharing. Let me know when the book is finished.

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  4. Panting, she paused on the hill to look out over the Atlantic. The water was still choppy after the storms, but now the late afternoon sun glinted on those waves making the scene far less sinister. All that beauty reminded her of the nonsense that had once seemed vital and she said, “I am more than someone who comes up with the next awesomesauce or Christ on a cracker. A phrase that rocks the world for half a second is not enough.” Her voice in the empty air felt as solemn as a pledge.

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    1. I feel her pain and doubts, Kate. You put me right into the scene. Thanks, the idea came from Kristina Knight's blog and she graciously let me use the idea.

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  5. also forgot to add: this IS fun. I love the idea.

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  6. (I love this idea, too)
    My current WIP (sequel to Not Long Ago) isn't even up to 120 pages yet. I just started a couple of weeks ago, so my excerpt is from In My Own Shadow, the fantasy romance I just completed. This comes right in the middle of one of my actions scenes.
    When horse and rider sprinted forward, Cobal stepped up on a large rock. He leaped into the air and pivoted, striking the Rider with his foot. His momentum carried them both over the horse and to the ground on the other side. The Rider landed on his back, and Cobal stood over him. He bent down and used the heel of his hand to smash the Rider’s nosepiece into his face.

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    1. Awesome actions, Susan. I love reading other authors work, beacause I'm an avid reader (4 to 8 books per week) and I'm always looking for new authors to read. Today I found six. So totally Cool. Marian

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  7. Don't forget to join me next Friday at the Nights of Passion blog (I'll be doing this once a month over there). Thank you everyone for your participation. I enjoyed each and every scene.

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  8. Great idea and I hope I'm not too late in posting the last paragraph of page 120.


    “How do you know this happened, or that a bola was used?”
    “Well, Inspector Moretti, made some inquires and found out what I do for a living. He asked about bolas. I told him that I had written a book on Early Weapons of the Indigenous peoples of South America, and asked him why he was interested. He said it might have something to do with the investigation of what had happened recently. There are a lot of investigations going on at any one time, but I think he was referring to our parking lot and Fred Duncan. It is probably not a good idea to second guess and probably not a good idea for me to say it was the murder weapon, but intuition tells me there is a link. Moretti borrowed my book.”

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    1. Nope, not too late. Sounds intriguing, Mary-Anna. I love a good mystery.

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  9. Mary knew. She knew it sounded fun and romantic. She also knew Shannon's plan had flaws. "And how to you plan on paying for a place to live and for all of these trips?"

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    1. Pulls me right in, Maris. I think on the "And how--I think here you might have meant "And how do" not to

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  10. Twin-Flames (fantasy) rough first draft.

    Za-zing, another far more painful burn lanced along the right side of her head above her ear. Her head whipped to the side, she fell as if hit, landing on the bed. Bliss rolled onto her back and opened her eyes, tensed her body, ready for a fight. A quick look around the room—no one was inside her room.

    Who’d or what struck her?

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    1. I like the premise Cassandra. Will you give a clue to what landed on her back? LOL. Thanks for participating.

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  11. This is from an historical novel I'm calling Billy D. It's set in Los Angeles in 1929

    She shrugged, clearly unimpressed. Sucking in a lungful of smoke, she flicked something off her teeth with her one-inch blood red nails. “Ain’t you gonna ask 'bout how your girl’s doing?”

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    1. P.A. you put me in the middle of the scene--great job. Thanks for participating. I'll look forward to this one when it hits the shelf.

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  12. Hi Marian,
    Here is the last paragraph from pg 120 of my WIP, working title SIGNS of REASON. Science fiction Fantasy...
    By the way.. what a great idea... Reading through the posts is fun.

    “Tamzyn.” Kyler lifted a hand in farewell but she hurried across the open courtyard without looking back. With his mouth open, his arm raised, Kyler’s world crumbled into an empty void where he stood alone amongst strangers. Only Penburton’s rough voice jolted Kyler back from loneliness and grief.

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    1. Rosalie, thanks, I got the idea from Kristina Knight and her blog. She didn't mind me using the idea.
      Your book sounds fantastic. I love science fiction

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  13. Hi Marian,
    Thanks... might borrow the idea one day. If you and Kristina don't mind. It's interesting to read/see the different author voices.

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    1. I love reading them all too. In fact I've been invited to blog every Friday at the Nights of Passion blog and I'm doing this again next Friday on the 22nd but it will be the first paragraph in the books.

      Enjoy yourself and let me know when you do it. I love participating.

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  14. Great idea Marian. Thanks for the opportunity. Fun reading the fragments.

    A blush crept up Rosalie’s cheek. She wouldn’t admit as much to Cornelia, but she had considered Albert’s reaction when choosing her dress. She thought of Albert a disturbing amount as of late. Frowning, she met Cornelia’s eyes once more, “I want no more talk of Mr. Bierstadt, you hear?”
    Cornelia’s laughter rang through the air, “Certainly, my dear.” Just then, a resonating boom sounded. All three women jumped at the noise.
    “Excuse me, misses, I believe there is someone at the door.” Eloise mumbled before hurrying from the room.
    Cornelia’s smile vanished, “My goodness. It is early, are our guests arriving?” Her hands flittered to her auburn hair, which was still hanging in loose curls down her back, “I’m not fit to greet them yet.”
    Rosalie hurriedly fastening Cornelia’s hooks, placing a placid smile on her face, “Don’t fret, Cornelia, whoever it is will just have to wait.”
    When Cornelia did not respond, Rosalie continued, “Serves them right for being early. Besides, Frederick is downstairs. He can entertain until we finish.”

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    1. You're welcome, Gail. You got me thinking, who was at the door. Can't wait to read more!

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